Instead of playing the game "Making Life Wonderful", we often play the game called "Who's Right". Do you know that game? It's a game where everybody loses.

If we ask two questions, we will see that punishment never works. First: What do we want the other person to do? Second: What do we want the other person's reasons to be for doing as we request?

The most dangerous of all behaviors may consist of doing things 'because we're supposed to.

The more we empathize with the other party, the safer we feel.

Make your goal to attend to your underlying needs and to aim for a resolution so satisfying that everyone involved has their needs met also.

If the other persons behavior is not in harmony with my own needs, the more I empathize with them and their needs, the more likely I am to get me own needs met.

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests.