We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather than self-hatred.

If we ask two questions, we will see that punishment never works. First: What do we want the other person to do? Second: What do we want the other person's reasons to be for doing as we request?

Regardless of our many differences, we all have the same needs. What differs is the strategy for fulfilling these needs.

Fix-it jackals can't wait to fix it, because they don't know how to enjoy pain. And until you learn how to enjoy pain, you can't enjoy intimacy.

Conventional compliments often take the form of judgments however positive, and are sometimes offered to manipulate the behavior of others. NVC encourages the expression of appreciation solely for celebration.

We want people to change because they see better ways of meeting their needs at less cost, not because of fear that we're going to punish them, or 'guilt' them if they don't. This applies to ourselves as well.

Often, instead of offering empathy, we have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling.