If you think ahead to what to say next - like how to fix it or make the person feel better - BOOM! Off the board. You're into the future. Empathy requires staying with the energy that's here right now. Not using any technique. Just being present. When I have really connected to this energy, it's like I wasn't there. I call this "watching the magic show". In this presence, a very precious energy works through us that can heal anything, and this relieves me from my "fix-it" tendencies.

Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need.

Interpretations, criticisms, diagnoses, and judgments of others are actually alienated expressions of our unmet needs.

People don't make us angry, how we think makes us angry.

It's really a spiritual practice that I am trying to show as a way of life.

A second even more obvious sign is that the person will stop talking. If we are uncertain as to whether we have stayed long enough in the process, we can always ask, "Is there more that you wanted to say"?

Avoid 'shoulding' on others and yourself!