When you ride the wave, the thrill is so exhilarating that you forget everything else. You live in the moment where nothing else matters, so intent on riding the wave perfectly that you and the wave become one. Pain and worry disappear, replaced by euphoria, akin to flow. Similarly, when giving empathy, you want to strive for this kind of total presence for the person you are listening to.

Anger, depression, guilt, and shame are the product of the thinking that is at the base of violence on our planet.

Avoid 'shoulding' on others and yourself!

Every moment each human being is doing the best we know at that moment to meet our needs. We never do anything that is not in the service of a need, there is no conflict on our planet at the level of needs. We all have the same needs. The problem is in strategies for meeting the needs.

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests.

NVC requires us to be continually conscious of the beauty within ourselves and other people.

When we hear the other person's feelings and needs, we recognize our common humanity.