When you ride the wave, the thrill is so exhilarating that you forget everything else. You live in the moment where nothing else matters, so intent on riding the wave perfectly that you and the wave become one. Pain and worry disappear, replaced by euphoria, akin to flow. Similarly, when giving empathy, you want to strive for this kind of total presence for the person you are listening to.

Most of us grew up speaking a language that encourages us to label, compare, demand, and pronounce judgments rather than to be aware of what we are feeling and needing.

We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt.

Compliments and praise, for their part, are tragic expressions of fulfilled needs

Once you can clearly describe what you are reacting to, free of your interpretation or evaluation of it, other people are less likely to be defensive when they hear it.

People heal from their pain when they have an authentic connection with another human being.

With empathy, I'm fully with them, not full of them — that's sympathy.