They have most likely said it because they have an unmet need.

Have you ever been surfing? Imagine you're on your surfboard now, waiting for the big one to come. Get ready to get carried with that energy. Now, here it comes. That's empathy. No words - just being with that energy. When I connect with what's alive in another person, I have feelings similar to when I'm surfing.

Never hear what somebody thinks about you, you'll live longer. Hear that they're in pain. Don't hear their analysis.

Don't hate the circumstance, you may miss the blessing

NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet when we took the action that we now regret.

We need empathy to give empathy. When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy, (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out.

If we don't tell people about our needs, it is much less likely they will be met.