Violence comes from the belief that other people cause our pain and therefore deserve punishment.

Fix-it jackals can't wait to fix it, because they don't know how to enjoy pain. And until you learn how to enjoy pain, you can't enjoy intimacy.

Be very slow to go into looking for solutions.

Most of us grew up speaking a language that encourages us to label, compare, demand, and pronounce judgments rather than to be aware of what we are feeling and needing.

Avoid 'shoulding' on others and yourself!

Always listen to what people need rather than what they are thinking about us.

They have most likely said it because they have an unmet need.