All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those people deserve to be punished.

If we become skilled in giving ourselves empathy, we often experience in just a few seconds a natural release of energy which then enables us to be present with the other person. If this fails to happen, however, we have a couple of other choices.

A respectful understanding of another's experience.

As long as I think I 'should' do it, I'll resist it, even if I want very much to do it.

We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather than out of fear, guilt, shame, or obligation.

The punitive use of force tends to generate hostility and to reinforce resistance to the very behavior we are seeking.

If we ask two questions, we will see that punishment never works. First: What do we want the other person to do? Second: What do we want the other person's reasons to be for doing as we request?