Hookers have to deliver on their promise... unlike politicians.

I don't enjoy anything while I'm doing it. I enjoy having done things, though.

I don't want to be a director. I want to direct. There's a difference.

I don't know any jokes, which is embarrassing. I wish I did.

Comedy, like sodomy, is an unnatural act.

Hookers have to deliver on their promise... unlike politicians.

You offer a sincere compliment on a great mustache and suddenly she's not your friend.