Did you ever meet a mother that complained that her child phoned her too often? Me neither.

Jewish Alzheimer's is forgetting everything except a grudge.

I suppose the nearest equivalent to a bar mitzvah in terms of emotional build-up would probably not even be one's wedding day, but one's coronation.

A tortoise is, I suppose, a Jewish pet. It knows its place. Out on the lawn. It doesn't bark. It doesn't tear the Dralon.

Acting requires absorption, but not self-absorption and, in the actor's mind, the question must always be 'Why am I doing this?,' not 'How am I doing it?

You know the worst thing about oral sex ? The view.

My idea of a good work-out is two hours spent worrying about the bags under my eyes.