My idea of a good work-out is two hours spent worrying about the bags under my eyes.

You know the worst thing about oral sex ? The view.

Did you ever meet a mother that complained that her child phoned her too often? Me neither.

I've discovered over the years that if my hair is all right, then generally speaking, so am I.

A tortoise is, I suppose, a Jewish pet. It knows its place. Out on the lawn. It doesn't bark. It doesn't tear the Dralon.

Chutzpah' is best defined as a small boy peeing through someone's letter box, then ringing the doorbell to ask how far it went.

As for blondes having more fun, well, let me dispel that rumor forever. They do.