Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive.

Look, I had to take chances or it wasn't fun being funny.

Organizations like the CIA and the FBI are still kind of supermen, kind of SS troops: We're blond and the best and everyone else should be incinerated. They don't know right from wrong. That's what makes a satire of these government bureaus really funny.

You cannot have fun with anything that you don't love or admire or respect.

I make people laugh for a living. I believe I can say objectively that what I do I do as well as anybody. Just say I'm one of the best broken field runners that ever lived. For 35 years I was a cult hero, an underground funny.

Being short never bothered me for three seconds. The rest of the time I wanted to commit suicide.

I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know.