Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive.

My mother is very short - four-eleven. She could walk under tables and never hit her head.

Writing is simply one thought after another dying upon the one before.

Sir, I have seen your film and it is vulgar! Madame, my film rises below vulgarity.

Life literally abounds in comedy if you just look around you.

An egg cream can do anything. An egg cream to a Brooklyn Jew is like water to an Arab. A Jew will kill for an egg cream. It's the Jewish malmsey.

Nothing is free. You got to pay to be in society. First you start with homework.