Why does every plane have two pilots? Really, you only need one pilot. Let's take out the second pilot. Let the bloody computer fly it.

If drink sales are falling off, we get the pilots to engineer a bit of turbulence. That usually spikes sales.

When you look at the number of stupid people who have succeeded in business, you clearly don't have to be very bright. Business is all about getting your sales up and your costs down, the bit in the middle is profit.

We need more people to go into business and fewer wasting our lives becoming bureaucrats and civil servants.

I should get the Nobel peace prize - screw Bono.

Ryanair's biggest achievement? Bringing low fares to Europe and still lowering em. Biggest failure? Hiring me.

The chattering bloody classes, or what I call the liberal Guardian readers, they're all buying SUVs to drive around London. I smile at these loons who drive their SUVs down to Sainsbury's and buy kiwi fruit, flown in from New Zealand for Christ sakes. They're the equivalent of environmental nuclear bombs!