Donald Trump really is a fan of the Bible, except that it's far too long for him to read. So he just released a new, improved version, the Gospel According to Trump. It reads: "I, Donald Trump, am God. Praise, worship, and adore Me as I do Myself. Then all shall be Great, as I am Great. The End."

Donald Trump really is a fan of the Bible, except that it's far too long for him to read. So he just released a new, improved version, the Gospel According to Trump. It reads: "I, Donald Trump, am God. Praise, worship, and adore Me as I do Myself. Then all shall be Great, as I am Great. The End."

Trump has officially changed his name to Ronald because he's such a clown, and in sympathy his toupée is changing its name to Bozo.

Donald Trump just pledged to be loyal to the Green Party, the Communist Party and Party Central, as long as they agree to be nice to that thing on his head. If not, all bets are off.

I lived as best I could, and then I died. Be careful where you step: the grave is wide.

If every witty thing that's said was true, Oscar Wilde, the world would worship You!

The slogan of the American Civil Rights Movement was "We shall overcome!" Donald Trump's new campaign slogan is "We shall overcomb!"