Donald Trump really is a fan of the Bible, except that it's far too long for him to read. So he just released a new, improved version, the Gospel According to Trump. It reads: "I, Donald Trump, am God. Praise, worship, and adore Me as I do Myself. Then all shall be Great, as I am Great. The End."

Did evangelical Christians mistake Donald Trump's hairpiece for a halo, while ignoring the obvious signs that he worships Mammon?

Hell hath no fury like a frustrated fundamentalist whose God condemned him to "hell" for having "impure thoughts."

Rand Paul tried hard to upstage Donald Trump at the first debate, talking tough about his guns and his right not to register them. But with his pixie-ish perm, Paul does not impress me as the gunslinger type. Rand Paul is the RuPaul of politics. He would do better to defend his right to carry an unregistered blow-dryer and curling irons.

When I was being bullied, I had to learn not to judge myself by the opinions of intolerant morons. Then I felt much better.

It's not that every leaf must finally fall, it's just that we can never catch them all.

Donald Trump has taken the Peter Principle to unprecedented heights. Or is it depths?