Life's saving graces are love, pleasure, laughter ... wisdom, it seems, is for the Hereafter.

Love is either wholly folly, or fully holy.

These are clearly the end times, and now we understand why the prophets warned us about the Trump of Doom.

The truth can finally be told: Donald Trump's autism was caused by a vaccination that went terribly wrong; this explains why he can't relate to other people.

Donald Trump isn't really running for president, come on! This is obviously a new reality show, Celebrity Presidential Apprentice. It ends with the incompetent celebrity being berated, humiliated, then unceremoniously fired.

When Donald Trump becomes president, he'll fly on a jumbo jet rebadged Hair Force One. It will be oversized to contain his massive ego, and will have all the latest and greatest blowdryer technology.

Toupée or not toupée for professional government: that is the hair-raising question created by Donald Trump's candidacy.