Trump has officially changed his name to Ronald because he's such a clown, and in sympathy his toupée is changing its name to Bozo.

Even Donald Trump's hairpiece is fed up with his insults and says it now supports Bernie Sanders. When Trump found out, he sobbed

Perhaps love doesn't make the world go round, but it makes the bumpy ride worthwhile and provides a glorious destination.

Trump's last name is an omen that he'll win the Republican nomination, since "trump" means "triumph." One might suggest that this will constitute the triumph of insanity over reason, except that none of the other Republican candidates make any sense either. Trump just makes them seem less crazy by comparison.

Donald Trump's hairpiece has reportedly narrowed its list of running partners down to Don King, Kramer, William Shatner, Dolly Parton and Phil Spector, and has no worries about being upstaged.

The truth can finally be told: Donald Trump's autism was caused by a vaccination that went terribly wrong; this explains why he can't relate to other people.

Donald Trump really is a fan of the Bible, except that it's far too long for him to read. So he just released a new, improved version, the Gospel According to Trump. It reads: "I, Donald Trump, am God. Praise, worship, and adore Me as I do Myself. Then all shall be Great, as I am Great. The End."