The audience and I are friends. They allowed me to grow up with them. I've let them down several times. They've let me down several times. But we're all family.

The film The Last Temptation of Christ, no matter what its defenders say, was a slap in the face to Christians everywhere.

Had I been brighter, the ladies been gentler, the Scotch been weaker, had the gods been kinder, had the dice been hotter, this could have been a one-sentence story: Once upon a time I lived happily ever after.

Women liked me because I made them laugh.

When I open a refrigerator door and the light goes on, I want to perform.

God bless the universe, God bless Japanese, Chinese, Indians, all of them and let's have peace.

I keep going because if you stop, you stop. Why retire? Inspire.