Look, I come from vaudeville, I come from burlesque, I come from heartaches, I come from sadness, I come from gladness, I come from work and sweat and respect for the craft.

Had I been brighter, the ladies been gentler, the Scotch been weaker, had the gods been kinder, had the dice been hotter, this could have been a one-sentence story: Once upon a time I lived happily ever after.

I just want to be a professional. I couldn't live without acting.

It's confusing. I've had so many wives and so many children I don't know which house to go to first on Christmas.

Someone once asked me what I want on my epitaph when I pass away. Just the words 'I tried.' That's what this game of life is all about. Trying. There's the tryers, the criers, and the liars.

When I was 19 years old, I was the number one star of the world for two years. When I was 40, nobody wanted me.

Women liked me because I made them laugh.