I buy women shoes and they use them to walk away from me.

It's confusing. I've had so many wives and so many children I don't know which house to go to first on Christmas.

Nowadays, it is fashionable for agents to be out. When you call them, they're always "out." It's in, you see, to be out. If they're in, they're out. So, they're always out. That way, they'll be in.

And that's the way I have always lived, for the laughs – today. N-O-W. No Other Way.

The audience and I are friends. They allowed me to grow up with them. I've let them down several times. They've let me down several times. But we're all family.

A lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce, I think I'm about $100,000 short.

I just want to be a professional. I couldn't live without acting.