Neurotics make poor patriots; if you're ashamed of something as big as yourself, it's hard to be proud of something as small as your country.

Theatre audiences can't be made to think and cry: at best, they can be made to think and laugh, or to feel and cry.

I wish I'd said it first, and I don't even know who did: The only problems that money can solve are money problems.

A hypochondriac is one who has a pill for everything except what ails him.

There's only one person who needs a glass of water oftener than a small child tucked in for the night, and that's a writer sitting down to write.

With each passing year, one has less to say, and knows better how to say it.

How can a man marry wisely in his twenties? The girl he's going to wind up wanting hasn't even been born.