Each day, the American housewife turns toward television as toward a lover. She feels guilty about it, and well she might, for he's covered with warts and is only after her money.

The ideal home: big enough for you to hear the children, but not very well.

All love is probationary, a fact which frightens women and exhilarates men.

Philosophy teaches a man that he can't take it with him; taxes teach him he can't leave it behind either.

A woman will do anything to keep a pretty figure, but hardly anything to get one.

Neurotic quarrels always have the same theme-song: Hate me and get it over with.

If there is something you must do and you cannot do it, you cannot do anything else.