They threaten me with lung cancer, and still I smoke and smoke. If they'd only threaten me with hard work, I might stop.

The neurotic would like to trust his analyst - if only because he's paying him so much money. But he can't - because if the analyst really cared, he'd be doing it for nothing.

The neurotic has perfect vision in one eye, but he cannot remember which.

A parent who has never apologized to his children is a monster. If he's always apologizing, his children are monsters.

I'm always there to tell people that their life is not that bad. I wish it was easy to follow that advice.

Most of us would rather risk catastrophe than read the directions.

Those who are brutally honest are seldom so with themselves.