There are whole years for which I hope I'll never be cross-examined, for I could not give an alibi.

In church, sacred music would make believers of us all — but preachers can be counted on to restore the balance.

Forget about calories - everything makes thin people thinner, and fat people fatter.

The neurotic has perfect vision in one eye, but he cannot remember which.

It's easy enough to get along with a loved and loving child - at least till you try to get him to do something.

It must infuriate our children to see us always so much more forbearing with everybody else's.

The neurotic thinks himself both Hamlet and Claudius, in a world that belongs to Polonius.