Pull yourself together' is seldom said to anyone who can.

It's impossible to be loyal to your family, your friends, your country, and your principles, all at the same time.

To talk easily with people, you must firmly believe that either you or they are interesting. And even then it's not easy.

When "Why not do it?" barely outweighs "Why do it?" — don't do it.

To smoke or not to smoke: I can make of either a life-work.

Women gather together to wear silly hats, eat dainty food, and forget how unresponsive their husbands are. Men gather to talk sports, eat heavy food, and forget how demanding their wives are. Only where children gather is there any real chance of fun.

A perfect marriage is one in which "I'm sorry" is said just often enough.