I know which side my bread is buttered on: the side which falls on the carpet.

The chief reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol.

If the pain wanders, do not waste your time with doctors.

They threaten me with lung cancer, and still I smoke and smoke. If they'd only threaten me with hard work, I might stop.

A productive marriage requires falling in enjoy numerous occasions, usually with the identical man or woman.

Love requires a willingness to die; marriage, a willingness to live.

The neurotic keeps minute track of his enemies; it is only his friends he is careless about.