Forget about calories - everything makes thin people thinner, and fat people fatter.

Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk.

Neurotic: someone who can go from the bottom to the top, and back again, without ever once touching the middle.

No matter how many Christmas presents you give your child, there's always that terrible moment when he's opened the very last one. That's when he expects you to say, 'Oh yes, I almost forgot,' and take him out and show him the pony.

One of life's few really reliable pleasures: to have a family you love, and to leave them for a week.

If you must reread old love letters, better pick a room without mirrors.

Whether or not you love television, you've got to admit that it certainly loves itself.