I didn't realize how good I was with computers until I met my parents.

Comedy unites, it doesn't divide!

I don't smoke a lot of pot anymore. No one wants to hang around a guy who ends every sentence with, "Do you guys hate me?"

I drank the Kool-Aid of being a network star. Once it didn't happen, I realized it wasn't the best version of my comedy.

Essentially, retweets are like laughs.

I think sometimes you don't understand how to convey an idea, depending on the moment you're living in.

I love Valentine's Day. When you're a kid everyone gets a Valentine. It's like 'TO TIM, NICE PANTS, LOVE SCOTT'. It's Valentines galore!