They really cut to the chase in the urologist's examination room, and I tried to laugh. If this office were a movie, it would have been rated R.

Comedy is tragedy plus time, but the time is different for everybody.

I'm a big fan of pastries the size of a baby that contain enough calories for a year. That seems like an effective use of time.

People getting along doesn't sell very well in the news. I find that to be deeply depressing. I don't even talk about it on stage, because it would take too long to explain.

I find my fans are really funny people. Most comedians can't say that about their fans.

Saturday night is perfect for writers because other people have "plans.

Elia Kazan. He wrote my favorite book about filmmaking, 'Elia Kazan: On Directing.' There is a thing in the book that I do every time, it's part of my production structure. He said when you're hiring an actor, ask them what draws them to the project, and don't lead them to the answer.