How many people do you know who have thrown up on the Scrambler or a carnival ride? A lot of people, is the answer.

I can always go back to waiting tables, but I won't be very good at it. I'll never be good at it.

Fortunately, I don't talk about politics on stage.

Saturday night is perfect for writers because other people have "plans.

I take the subway four times a day, or close to it. I just love the subway! My grandfather worked as an electrician when they were digging the subway.

I think the reason why I'm so alluring to networks is because on the surface I'm like a quintessential relatable, boring white guy. A great many sitcoms have been anchored by a boring white guy, so I feel like what they want to mine from me are my more generic qualities.

It was a hard name having growing up as a child. Some kids would call me names like "Birbiglebug" and "Birbibliography" and "Faggot". Some were more clever than others.