I'm a big fan of pastries the size of a baby that contain enough calories for a year. That seems like an effective use of time.

I never looked at my parents' marriage or really anyone who had been married more than 30 years and thought, 'I gotta get me some of that!'

I think sometimes you don't understand how to convey an idea, depending on the moment you're living in.

I drank the Kool-Aid of being a network star. Once it didn't happen, I realized it wasn't the best version of my comedy.

I think Mitch Hedberg is one of the great comedians of the past 20 years.

Our fear leads us to say no all the time.

I find my fans are really funny people. Most comedians can't say that about their fans.