Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, you get it on your shirt.

I've read that Steven Wright's style was born out of genuine nervousness.

I almost can't even put to words how happy I am that I got married.

My problem with being in New York City is that you really can't make a living as a comedian. You can, but you have to also take writing jobs, which means less stage time.

Where art and business intersect is a challenging hurdle for a lot of people, reconciling the fact that not everyone is going to make it in the same way. Yeah, you have to be a little selfish, probably.

Bears are simultaneously so graceful and so strong. Bears know who they are, but they often don’t know who you are, which is why they kill you.

Comedy is tragedy plus time, but the time is different for everybody.