Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, you get it on your shirt.

How many people do you know who have thrown up on the Scrambler or a carnival ride? A lot of people, is the answer.

I feel like we can prove in real time the old trope that comedy is tragedy plus time.

The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.

I can always go back to waiting tables, but I won't be very good at it. I'll never be good at it.

Some people come up to me and say "You know, in Italy, it's pronounced Ber-beel-lia" And I say "Well, here in America, you're annoying..."

When I was in college my improvisation troupe and I did a road trip to Chicago, and went to The Second City to see the classic 'Paradigm Lost' revue - with Tina Fey, Rachel Dratch, Scott Adsit and Kevin Dorff. It blew my mind, and proved to me you can do sketch comedy like you're doing 'Long Day's Journey into Night.' We could treat it like theater.