I'm a whitebread cracker. That's my favorite white person slur: "whitebread". The other day, someone came up to me and said, "What's up, whitebread?" And I was like, "That's not even an insult. That's just my race plus a food. I can do that, too, black bean soup! Stay out of this, Asian chicken platter!"

Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, you get it on your shirt.

You need to know what doesn't work to know what works. It's especially true in improv and stand-up.

All techniques of comedy are valid and interesting to me.

Two Drink Mike enjoys dancing and knows a magic trick. Whereas, No Drink Mike enjoys biographies, and has serious opinions on wildlife. And Five Drink Mike... dances with wildlife.

I thought if I could do stand-up comedy well enough, I could parlay it back into films - like Charlie Chaplin and Woody Allen did. They merged principles of comedy and drama together, and that's what my first film really was, a stab at that kind of comedy.

A girl offered me E at the club. 'Have you ever done E?' 'I watch E.'