The people who are the worst at news, who kind of engage in what I call the World Wrestling of news, have kind of set the bar for where news is.

I feel that marriage can lead to the ultimate rejection and failure and divorce and things we all fear.

I struggled with that notion early in my career. 'I know this is funny but nobody is laughing.' This thought occurred for years.

I think the reason why I'm so alluring to networks is because on the surface I'm like a quintessential relatable, boring white guy. A great many sitcoms have been anchored by a boring white guy, so I feel like what they want to mine from me are my more generic qualities.

I'm a big fan of pastries the size of a baby that contain enough calories for a year. That seems like an effective use of time.

I performed for the U.S. troops in Guantanamo Bay. And signed autographs for people who've been gone from America for so long they didn't realize that I'm not famous.

Awkwardness and feeling alienated are always going to be a part of comedy.