You know I used to work at Ikea, selling over 7,000 products. Give me a number between 1-7,000 I'll tell you about it. Sorry out of stock, lucky you chose that one.

When my daughter was born she had jaundice, she was small, round and yellow. we called her Melony.

I've got a bit of Scottish Blood... On my kitchen knife!!

Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family.

It's difficult isn't it, when you're in a Mosque and everyone's praying and you really enjoy leapfrog.

If you're depressed and called Morgan spend the first half of the day in Germany for some positive affirmation.

The worst job I ever had was as a forensicologist for the United Nations. One time I thought I'd come across the mass grave of a thousand snowmen, but it turns out it was just a field of carrots.