As a child I watched Mary Poppins so many times I suffered from a condition with my sight. Umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddle Eye.

You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee.

Incredible to think isn't it, that every single Scotsman, started off as a scotch egg. Old and gingery.

Militant feminists, I take my hat off to them, they don't like that.

Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family.

I'm very English really. I even ordered a book on the internet, 'how to have absolutely nothing to do with your neighbors'. Unfortunately I was out when it was delivered.

My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices to pay for my education... because they were both druids.