Incredible to think isn't it, that every single Scotsman, started off as a scotch egg. Old and gingery.

When the boys at school found out I had a potentially fatal peanut allergy, they used to hold me up against a wall and play Russian Roulette with a bag of Revels!

Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don't think so...retired mermaids.

A lot of people like cats. Take the Pope, for example: I read recently that he was a cat-oholic!

I recently bought the box set of 'Doctor Who' and watched it back to back, Unfortunately I wasn't the one facing the TV!

The pollen count, now that's a difficult job. Especially if you've got hay fever.

I got arrested for playing chess in the street. I said, it's because I'm black, isn't it.