Incredible to think isn't it, that every single Scotsman, started off as a scotch egg. Old and gingery.

I got arrested for playing chess in the street. I said, it's because I'm black, isn't it.

If they make it illegal to wear the veil at work, bee keepers are going to be furious.

Why did we get together? Because God wanted us to do it. We were just trying to do what God wants us to do. We didn't feel like we had much of a choice.

I lost my job as a cricket commentator for saying "I don't want to bore you with the details".

About a month before he died, my grandfather, we covered his back full of lard - after that he went downhill very quickly.

I hate sitting in traffic, because I always get run over.