Incredible to think isn't it, that every single Scotsman, started off as a scotch egg. Old and gingery.

You know I used to work at Ikea, selling over 7,000 products. Give me a number between 1-7,000 I'll tell you about it. Sorry out of stock, lucky you chose that one.

If they make it illegal to wear the veil at work, bee keepers are going to be furious.

I'm very English really. I even ordered a book on the internet, 'how to have absolutely nothing to do with your neighbors'. Unfortunately I was out when it was delivered.

I don't know if you've ever fallen asleep whilst eating a plate of cauliflower, and then woken up, and thought you were in the clouds.

Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family.

When my daughter was born she had jaundice, she was small, round and yellow. we called her Melony.