When the boys at school found out I had a potentially fatal peanut allergy, they used to hold me up against a wall and play Russian Roulette with a bag of Revels!

You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee.

I recently bought the box set of 'Doctor Who' and watched it back to back, Unfortunately I wasn't the one facing the TV!

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.

So I phoned up the spiritual leader of tibet, he sent me a large goat with a long neck, turns out I phoned dial a lama.

I don't know if you've ever fallen asleep whilst eating a plate of cauliflower, and then woken up, and thought you were in the clouds.

My aunt Marge has been so ill for so long that we've started to call her I can't believe she's not better