When the boys at school found out I had a potentially fatal peanut allergy, they used to hold me up against a wall and play Russian Roulette with a bag of Revels!

Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don't think so...retired mermaids.

When my daughter was born she had jaundice, she was small, round and yellow. we called her Melony.

I lost my job as a cricket commentator for saying "I don't want to bore you with the details".

I have a nut allergy. When I was at school the other children used to make me play Russian roulette but force-feeding me a packet of Revels.

As a child I watched Mary Poppins so many times I suffered from a condition with my sight. Umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddle Eye.

About a month before he died, my grandfather, we covered his back full of lard - after that he went downhill very quickly.