If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!

I've got a bit of Scottish Blood... On my kitchen knife!!

So I phoned up the spiritual leader of tibet, he sent me a large goat with a long neck, turns out I phoned dial a lama.

To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet ... you can hide but you can't run.

As a child I watched Mary Poppins so many times I suffered from a condition with my sight. Umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddle Eye.

I got arrested for playing chess in the street. I said, it's because I'm black, isn't it.

Incredible to think isn't it, that every single Scotsman, started off as a scotch egg. Old and gingery.