I recently bought the box set of 'Doctor Who' and watched it back to back, Unfortunately I wasn't the one facing the TV!

I've got a bit of Scottish Blood... On my kitchen knife!!

To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet ... you can hide but you can't run.

I lost my job as a cricket commentator for saying "I don't want to bore you with the details".

My aunt Marge has been so ill for so long that we've started to call her I can't believe she's not better

I don't know if you've ever fallen asleep whilst eating a plate of cauliflower, and then woken up, and thought you were in the clouds.

Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family.