I recently bought the box set of 'Doctor Who' and watched it back to back, Unfortunately I wasn't the one facing the TV!

I've got a bit of Scottish Blood... On my kitchen knife!!

When my daughter was born she had jaundice, she was small, round and yellow. we called her Melony.

My wife... its difficult to say what she does... she sells seashells on the seashore.

Sometimes I wonder what my grandfather would think of what I do, he spent his whole life in the kebab business, was buried with all his equipment, probably turning in his grave.

You know I used to work at Ikea, selling over 7,000 products. Give me a number between 1-7,000 I'll tell you about it. Sorry out of stock, lucky you chose that one.

Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family.