My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices to pay for my education... because they were both druids.

It's difficult isn't it, when you're in a Mosque and everyone's praying and you really enjoy leapfrog.

My mother made us eat all sorts of vitamins and supplements, until one day I nearly choked on part of The Sunday Times.

So I phoned up the spiritual leader of tibet, he sent me a large goat with a long neck, turns out I phoned dial a lama.

I hate sitting in traffic, because I always get run over.

Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family.

My aunt Marge has been so ill for so long that we've started to call her I can't believe she's not better