I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.

If they make it illegal to wear the veil at work, bee keepers are going to be furious.

I recently bought the box set of 'Doctor Who' and watched it back to back, Unfortunately I wasn't the one facing the TV!

You know I used to work at Ikea, selling over 7,000 products. Give me a number between 1-7,000 I'll tell you about it. Sorry out of stock, lucky you chose that one.

My aunt Marge has been so ill for so long that we've started to call her I can't believe she's not better

The pollen count, now that's a difficult job. Especially if you've got hay fever.

To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet ... you can hide but you can't run.