I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.

So I phoned up the spiritual leader of tibet, he sent me a large goat with a long neck, turns out I phoned dial a lama.

My wife... its difficult to say what she does... she sells seashells on the seashore.

A lot of people like cats. Take the Pope, for example: I read recently that he was a cat-oholic!

I recently bought the box set of 'Doctor Who' and watched it back to back, Unfortunately I wasn't the one facing the TV!

Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don't think so...retired mermaids.

About a month before he died, my grandfather, we covered his back full of lard - after that he went downhill very quickly.