I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.

I'm very English really. I even ordered a book on the internet, 'how to have absolutely nothing to do with your neighbors'. Unfortunately I was out when it was delivered.

Incredible to think isn't it, that every single Scotsman, started off as a scotch egg. Old and gingery.

Sometimes I wonder what my grandfather would think of what I do, he spent his whole life in the kebab business, was buried with all his equipment, probably turning in his grave.

I have a nut allergy. When I was at school the other children used to make me play Russian roulette but force-feeding me a packet of Revels.

A lot of people like cats. Take the Pope, for example: I read recently that he was a cat-oholic!

Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don't think so...retired mermaids.