I've just finished my book, I wrote it on penguins. Come to think of it, paper would have been better.

I don't know if you've ever fallen asleep whilst eating a plate of cauliflower, and then woken up, and thought you were in the clouds.

Why did we get together? Because God wanted us to do it. We were just trying to do what God wants us to do. We didn't feel like we had much of a choice.

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.

My aunt Marge has been so ill for so long that we've started to call her I can't believe she's not better

When my daughter was born she had jaundice, she was small, round and yellow. we called her Melony.

I've got a bit of Scottish Blood... On my kitchen knife!!