I've just finished my book, I wrote it on penguins. Come to think of it, paper would have been better.

Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family.

I have a nut allergy. When I was at school the other children used to make me play Russian roulette but force-feeding me a packet of Revels.

Sometimes I wonder what my grandfather would think of what I do, he spent his whole life in the kebab business, was buried with all his equipment, probably turning in his grave.

Here's a picture of me with REM. That's me in the corner.

Incredible to think isn't it, that every single Scotsman, started off as a scotch egg. Old and gingery.

I got arrested for playing chess in the street. I said, it's because I'm black, isn't it.