My mother made us eat all sorts of vitamins and supplements, until one day I nearly choked on part of The Sunday Times.

I don't know if you've ever fallen asleep whilst eating a plate of cauliflower, and then woken up, and thought you were in the clouds.

About a month before he died, my grandfather, we covered his back full of lard - after that he went downhill very quickly.

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!

If they make it illegal to wear the veil at work, bee keepers are going to be furious.

I got arrested for playing chess in the street. I said, it's because I'm black, isn't it.

Sometimes I wonder what my grandfather would think of what I do, he spent his whole life in the kebab business, was buried with all his equipment, probably turning in his grave.