My mother made us eat all sorts of vitamins and supplements, until one day I nearly choked on part of The Sunday Times.

You know I used to work at Ikea, selling over 7,000 products. Give me a number between 1-7,000 I'll tell you about it. Sorry out of stock, lucky you chose that one.

It's difficult isn't it, when you're in a Mosque and everyone's praying and you really enjoy leapfrog.

My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices to pay for my education... because they were both druids.

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.

Easiest job in the world of course, Australian psychiatrist, "Gday Gday how you doing no worries next".

I have a nut allergy. When I was at school the other children used to make me play Russian roulette but force-feeding me a packet of Revels.