Sometimes I wonder what my grandfather would think of what I do, he spent his whole life in the kebab business, was buried with all his equipment, probably turning in his grave.

Why did we get together? Because God wanted us to do it. We were just trying to do what God wants us to do. We didn't feel like we had much of a choice.

When my daughter was born she had jaundice, she was small, round and yellow. we called her Melony.

If they make it illegal to wear the veil at work, bee keepers are going to be furious.

When the boys at school found out I had a potentially fatal peanut allergy, they used to hold me up against a wall and play Russian Roulette with a bag of Revels!

I got arrested for playing chess in the street. I said, it's because I'm black, isn't it.

The pollen count, now that's a difficult job. Especially if you've got hay fever.