Sometimes I wonder what my grandfather would think of what I do, he spent his whole life in the kebab business, was buried with all his equipment, probably turning in his grave.

My aunt Marge has been so ill for so long that we've started to call her I can't believe she's not better

My mother made us eat all sorts of vitamins and supplements, until one day I nearly choked on part of The Sunday Times.

Militant feminists, I take my hat off to them, they don't like that.

I'm very English really. I even ordered a book on the internet, 'how to have absolutely nothing to do with your neighbors'. Unfortunately I was out when it was delivered.

The school had a big problem with drugs... especially Class A.

If you're depressed and called Morgan spend the first half of the day in Germany for some positive affirmation.