When my daughter was born she had jaundice, she was small, round and yellow. we called her Melony.

I've just finished my book, I wrote it on penguins. Come to think of it, paper would have been better.

My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices to pay for my education... because they were both druids.

My mother made us eat all sorts of vitamins and supplements, until one day I nearly choked on part of The Sunday Times.

Sometimes I wonder what my grandfather would think of what I do, he spent his whole life in the kebab business, was buried with all his equipment, probably turning in his grave.

If you're depressed and called Morgan spend the first half of the day in Germany for some positive affirmation.

About a month before he died, my grandfather, we covered his back full of lard - after that he went downhill very quickly.