It's difficult isn't it, when you're in a Mosque and everyone's praying and you really enjoy leapfrog.

When my daughter was born she had jaundice, she was small, round and yellow. we called her Melony.

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.

Sometimes I wonder what my grandfather would think of what I do, he spent his whole life in the kebab business, was buried with all his equipment, probably turning in his grave.

Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don't think so...retired mermaids.

My mother made us eat all sorts of vitamins and supplements, until one day I nearly choked on part of The Sunday Times.

About a month before he died, my grandfather, we covered his back full of lard - after that he went downhill very quickly.