It's difficult isn't it, when you're in a Mosque and everyone's praying and you really enjoy leapfrog.

When the boys at school found out I had a potentially fatal peanut allergy, they used to hold me up against a wall and play Russian Roulette with a bag of Revels!

Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don't think so...retired mermaids.

So I phoned up the spiritual leader of tibet, he sent me a large goat with a long neck, turns out I phoned dial a lama.

To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet ... you can hide but you can't run.

You know I used to work at Ikea, selling over 7,000 products. Give me a number between 1-7,000 I'll tell you about it. Sorry out of stock, lucky you chose that one.

I recently bought the box set of 'Doctor Who' and watched it back to back, Unfortunately I wasn't the one facing the TV!