I opened-up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, "Please try again." because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I opened the yogurt wrong. ...Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me... "Come on Mitchell, don't give up!" An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top.

If 13 is unlucky, then 12 and 14 are guilty by association.

Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

Imagine if the headless horseman had a headless horse. That would be chaos. I would think that if you were the headless horseman's horse, you would be very confused. "I don't think this dude can see."

I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil, and the devil is dill.

If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.

Well, that's a 'fresher'. I'm going on break.