I saw a seagull hanging out by a lake, but I said, "Don't worry, Dude. I won't say anything."

I have a roommate, and I signed a year lease. I screwed up! That's like I wrote a joke that didn't work, but now I have to tell it for a year.

A fly was very close to being called a land, because that's what it does half the time.

I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances. That seems easy; refrigerator, toaster, blender. You just say what the thing does and add "er".

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

I want to ride in a cold air balloon. "This isn't going anywhere!"

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.