I saw a seagull hanging out by a lake, but I said, "Don't worry, Dude. I won't say anything."

I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.

I was in a convenience store, reading a magazine. The clerk told me, "this is not a library!" "OK! I will talk louder, then!"

Onions make me sad, a lot of people don't realize that. When I'm cutting onions, I'm sad. Because the plight of onions, it's sad. But people don't realize I'm actually crying - they think I'm just reacting.

Cavities are made by sugar. So if you need to dig a hole, then lay down some candy bars!

I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

I'm into carpooling, because sometimes my car gets hot and needs to refresh itself.