If 13 is unlucky, then 12 and 14 are guilty by association.

I don't know how to fix a car. If the car breaks down, and the gas tank does not say "E", I'm screwed. But if the gas tank says "E", I get all cocky - "I've got this one, don't worry." So I get out the toolbox AKA wallet.

Mr. Pibb is a poor imitation of Dr. Pepper. Dude didn't even get his degree.

One time a guy handed me a picture. He said, 'Here's a picture of me when I was younger.' Every picture is of you when you were younger. 'Here's a picture of me when I'm older.' 'You son of bit, how'd you pull that off Let me see that camera. What's it look like'

If you can't sleep, count sheep. Don't count endangered animals. You will run out.

I read that MTV's Real World got 40,000 applications. That's amazing, such an even number. You would have thought it would be 40,008.

No, I was just good at holding ice cream cones.