I got an ant farm. Them fellas didn't grow anything. Hey, how about some celery? Plus, if I tore your legs off, you would look like snowmen.

I had a chicken finger that was so big, it was a chicken hand.

If a drink was ice cold, it would be impossible to drink. Because it would be solid. Here's a drink, Mitch - it's ice cold. I guess I could lick it.

P.S. - This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.

I get the Reese's candy bar. You look at that, there's an apostrophe-s there. That means the candy bar is his. I didn't know that. Next time you're eating a Reese's candy bar, and a guy named Reese comes by and says, "Gimme that", you better hand it over.

If I was a mechanic and someone called me and said their car would not start, I would say, "Hey - maybe a killer is after you!"

If you find yourself lost in the woods, build a house. "Well, I was lost, but now I live here!"