I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because I tried to walk out, and had to slam the flap.

My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set.

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'

How does a sesame seed stick to a bun? That's magical. There must be some sesame seed glue out there. Either that or they're adhesive on one side. Peel off the backing, place it on the bun.

When it comes to racism, you hear people say, "I don't care if people are white, black, purple or green." Hold on, now, purple or green? Come on now, you gotta draw the line somewhere.

I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.

P.S. - This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.